HOPEMAN F.C.

FIRST CORRESPONDENCE FROM THE IMPOSTER

This is from Someone claiming to be a real mole received 24/06/04

dear impostor,
my resident address is cameron park hopeman it has came to my attention that you have been telling people that you are a mole from hopeman, but as i am actually a real mole from hopeman i have yet to come across you, as to the goal that you are not sure who scored i can tell you the truth as i watched that game against the cats from my many holes that i have strategically placed around the park and i only have a few cos as you no the ground is hard as fuck and am sure not diggin any more cos my claws are fucked, anyway, i was right next to the goals when the goal was scored, the penalty spot to be exact, by the way the fucker that put beach sand in my hole has allot to answer for, anyway i can swear on my family's life that the goal scorer of that goal was infact billy morton and to suggest that pigeon scored is a joke cos that boy couldent score in a brothel, and as for all the doubters out there i am a real mole and i have a lap top in my burrow under the park you may not belive me but i halve all the mod cons in my lair, so if you dont believe me then thats your fuckin problem, i will look out for you mole but i halve my doubts that you are a real mole like me and if you are i will set my rat's on you if you come near my place. come on hopeman fc get your fucken act together.

The Real and only original Mole replies

How much did Billy pay you to stick up for him? Who would ask a nearly blind animal living underground to be his star witness? Doh. I think we might take it off him again.

It must be a real old laptop you have, as it doesn't appear to have a spell checker or a shift key to make CAPITAL letters and you obviously do not have the literary genius of an educated mole like what I am, and how can you possibly slag Pigeon who has been the best player this season, not a lot to beat though.

 I now have a scabby-assed mole working my territory As you are aware Moles are very territorial animals and if you don't get off my patch you are in big trouble, it's a good dose of strychnine poison you need

I've given my twenty-two pound cat three days to take you out. He has returned with two baby rats so far. Which makes me think: why the hell are the rats so small this time of year? Are they having two litters a season?

It is not to be helped. The cat is off the job. He had his chance. Now it's up to me and my six inch Buck knife, with blood groove. All it takes is a little patience. You can actually see the dirt mound move when a mole gets frisky. Then, ooohhh...unnngh. Remember the German pushing the knife in in Saving Private Ryan? Sssshh, I say. Sssshh.

The only down side is he's under the dirt, and you can't see the look in his beady little rodent eyes when he croaks. (NO FROG JOKES, IT'S BEEN DONE)

Fuck this new mole. There is no room for two moles at Hopeman F.C. COME ON SING ALONG "THERE'S ONLY ONE MOLE IN HOPEMAN, THERE'S ONLY ONE MOLE IN HOPEMAN"

  WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE  for impersonating the Mole

HAS ANYONE AN IDEA WHO THIS IMPOSTER MIGHT BE?????

This was also received from Billy Morton on 23/6/04

Much as I appreciate the support and the truth, it had to be said "that potato brained illiterate bastard is fuck all to do with me".

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